Things That Piss Me Off - TV & Film

Telephone Manner

Most commonly seen in American film and television programs, the failure to say hello, goodbye, and the strange practice of announcing a call with your surname. Is this just a time saving measure or are Americans just inherently rude?

The Top 10 Types of People That Piss Me Off

1. Audi & BMW drivers. Yes, we know you have the horsepower but is there any need to ram it up our rear ends? Mercedes and Maserati drivers don't do it, so why must you?
2. Pub bouncers. I don't care how much meat you have on your bones, it doesn't compensate for your low IQ and unflinching delusion that you have authority over anyone. If I wanted to get maimed by a gorilla, I'd jump into the ape pen at Paignton Zoo thank you...
3. Awkward shop customers. I mean the ones who like to hold up the entire queue by asking the cashier something completely out of the box, like ordering seventeen cappuccinos all at once, or waltzing into Starbucks and asking if they sell porridge and getting in a strop when they're told "no, this is a coffee shop."
4. Awkward shop assistants/cashiers. The type who take a simple task and twist it into something so complex and unrecognisable that it takes three times as long to do.
5. Up-sellers in shops. No, for the umpteenth time, I do not want to buy any of your counter-top impulse purchases. Just sell me my newspaper and let me go. 
6. Self-service checkout assistants. My beacon is flashing....helloooooooo...are you going to come over and swipe your little card or just stand there and stare into space until I drag you over?
7. People who complain to the waiter/waitress about the food in Wetherspoons. You paid a fiver for a steak and chips, what were you expecting?
8. Pedestrians who stop right in front of you in the street. Since when was I capable of passing through solid objects?
9. High street canvassers. I want to be able to walk from Boots to Waterstones without being approached by a chump holding a bucket. Is that too much to ask for?
10. People who complain about other people. Hang on, does that mean I have to be pissed off with myself?

A Poem Written By Me

I want to tell you I miss you
But the words feel strangely the same
As telling you I detest your existence
Because neither should follow your name.

After all this time my heart still aches
When I hear the sound of your voice
The smell of your perfume and the look in your eye
When I remember I just had no choice.

Try as I might I can never forget
The looks the love and the feeling
Of your skin on my skin and the touch of your lips
And the wounds that just aren't healing.

So I want you to know that I'd rather have you in my life than not at all. It's hard, it hurts and it kills me to know that you're giving your heart and everything you promised me to somebody else. I am not a bad person and you need to know that under the surface of the angry person you sometimes see, I am secretly happy for you, and grateful for giving me so many amazing memories. Just promise me you will never keep it to yourself if one day you feel that spark again.